Love Candy
by Imperialguardsmen
Summary: A tale of when candy taste like peas,random explosions,and many love sick woman. The doom of all male Captains is here.  Many couples. I own nothing here. Helpful Critizim welcome. Up for adoption Sorry
1. Wierd Beginings

It was a beautiful morning. Well as beautiful as a 4:00_am_ morning can be.

Yarchiru had been bored. She had been bored for 3 days due to a rainstorm. She hated being bored. But since the storm was over she could go out and finally play! She'd tryed to wake Kenny but he was out cold. More in a rush to get outside she ignored Baldy and Pretty boy.

Sneaking quietly out the 11th barracks compound, she began searching for a playmate that would be awake at this hour.

There was a faint light coming from the 12th Division barracks.

The only visible light in the morning...

She had found her Playmates! Yachiru launched herself towards the 12th's barracks with a mischievous smile on her face.

* * *

><p>" Aaaagggghhhhnnnmmmmm" Unsuccessfully surpressing his yawn Mayuri got back to his early morning experiment. The amount of work in this experiment was almost sentimental. As sentimental it can be if profits was invaled.<p>

There was something about working alone on a silent morning that just made him want to experiment in the soothing silence. Especially with his lazy assiantant asleep and out of his hair.

He was getting a little giddy about this one. He always got this way when he knew how close he was to completeing it and how much profit he'd get.

'Almost finished just have to let it cool for 0.57 seconds then add the carrot extract' said concotion was on his side table next to his computer. With its faithful lable "_Concentraion elixer_" One of those experiments that would make him rich!

A small shadow shifted quietly in the cavernous lab.

Here's the moment. Holding his breath as he louded the syringe with the extract.

The neddle just hovering over the tube and-

"**Ugly man!**" Yachiru said with childish enthusiasm. Along with latching onto Mayuri's head.

Bashing his head on the table. On his face. Hard.

"I'm bored Ugly man. Play with me! Play**!**" His face hit the table.

"**Play!**" **Bang!**Again.

"**Play!**" Face to table.

"**Play!**"Face. Pain. Skull.

"**Play wiiithh mmeeee!**" Pain. Face. Skull. Ears ringing.

Collecting himself enough while she wined his ear off. " **GET! OFF! MY! HEEEAADDDD!**" The yelling echoed.

He felt her weight drop behind him, turning to see a bouncing and giggling Yachiru. "Go away brat. I don't have time for you. Take this candy and go away!" Mayuri said yelling while shoving the bag, with her name on it, into her claws,hands.

At the prospect of candy in her hands, she would have as per usual , would have walked away to all but consume it, but, Kenny had been teaching her manners and one of those was to thank those who gave her stuff or candy.

She threw herself to hug him but aimed for his head. "Thanks Ugly man!" Her grip loosened on the candy which all but launched itself from her enthusiastic hug. Her candy hit the concoction and the many other chemical beakers. Spilling much of the chemicals over his computer. Which exploded. In their faces.

The explosion rocked the 12th division for a instant.

Mayuri was out cold and his hat and captians rodes were smodering with the wall behind him that had his impression on it. The wall was also blackened with soot.

Yachiru lept right back up from a pile of rubble. Giggling as she did. "That was fun!" With a soot covered face at that.

She looked around for the candy bag. She knew it was still around. Fliging over a chunk of burnt wood, covered in glass and a greenish-gray liquid was the candy. Shruging, she just dusted off the glass and picked up the bag. Securing the bad on her shred rodes, skiped merryly out of the barracks back to the 11th getting lost like she aways did right into the sunset.

Mayuri's mouth had begun to foam.

After hearing the explosion Nemu came to see if her father was ok. She found him lying down on the ground belly first. It was almost comical seeing him foaming at the mouth smoldering. Deciding it was better to put out the smoldering she grabed a fire extingisher and sprayed it all over him.

He woke up with she started spraying his head."Aghh !"

Doing as order Nemu stoped and waited for further orders.

"You idoitatic buffon I'm..going...to..." Finially standing after he got the foam out of his eyes, looked at the destruction done to his lab. From what he saw he could only see seething red and was out the door screeming bloody murder. Which was exactly what he wanted.

"**YOU!GANA!DIE!BRRRAATTTTT!**" his powerful yell echoing to even Hueco Mundo. Aizen turned his head.

Nemu just stared at the scene. After a moments thought she got to work repairing and cleaning the lab. After all he'd be more angery if he came back to a still destoried lab. She didn't want to get beat after all.

She was lost again. She thought the 11th division barracks was that way. This place can get so confusing at times. Mayuri found her while she was wondering. He made his 'displeasure' known in many ways and colorful words.

"Come here you little destructive brat, **SO I CAN TEAR YOU APART!**" O the slow agonizing torture he had in mind for her would be so slow and painful there would be a new level to add to his book of torture. A 5 valume book. Now on sale!

Yachiru ignoring the spirtual pressure and the restu flairs, just stuck her tounge out and ran thinking it all a fun game of 'tag'.

'This is gana be fun!' Yachiru thought with much glee.

* * *

><p>The time was currently 5:30<em>am<em> for a white,tinted blue, haired wielder of the most powerful ice-element zanpakuto who grogglely woke up neatly washing, dressing, and eating breakfeast began his trek to his office.

The sun had yet to rise but he felt the nice cool air with the smell of dampness of the last three days. Yes all was right in the world on the calm morn. Finally ariving to his office door. Slid it across.

Everything in the room was either crush,burnt,choped, or had a stab wound with the few expections of his desk,his coach (with Rangiku sleeping off a hangover), and the mountain of paper work.

He _stared_. He stared hard. He stared the stare of such emotionlessness that it was if all the worlds joys were riped out of him. In his head a hydrogren bomb impoled with spectacular thoughts of murder, misery, and confusion ran threw his head. One thought spoke louder then others.

'My office has been destoryed. They destoryed my office yet they don't even have the damn decency to destory the paper work.' The a loud sigh escaped his lips as he went, sat down at his table and began his paper work. He promised himself this after the paper was done, and he found out who did this someone was going to be skinned, frozen, and choped to small tiny bits. " **MATSUMOTO!** Wake up and get someone to clean this office!" The lieutenant only groaned waving him off making sparing comment about a draft. Said source was to holes that looked like a little girl in a jump of joy and the second larger hole looked like a wide, wierd hat, wearing person hold his sword for a over head strike.

* * *

><p>Yachiru was sad. She wanted to have ran around some more with Ugly man but he gave up. It must have been the wall that got him to stop especially crashing into it when he almost caught her or was it because Kenny was near? O well. He did promise to play with her afterwards though in different words. ""<strong>I WILL HAVE<strong> my revenge_ you litt_-" The rest seemed muffled from the distance and buildings.

"Where you've been brat and why are ya covered in shit?" Zaraki asked gruffly.

"I was out playing Kenny!" She exclaimed in a squeal.

"Well get cleaned up, can't have a filth covered brat walking around. Especially when were going out for breakfest." He also quietly remebered that he was thre- _sweetly_ remined by Captian Unohara to make sure Yachiru took regular baths. He swore there was a wedding ring somewhere on his hand that day. He obey'd nether the less, he would not risk his manhound over something as _trival_ as cleaning.

Nodding happily to Kenny, she sped off to her room to get cleaned and changed. While in route she thought of a saying that Braidy Lady said to her 'A clean person is a happy person.' or something like that.

Kenpachi walked over to the gate of his division for the little squit ball.

A good 12 minutes later.

Yachiru came out looking fresh and new. Running up to her spot on Kenpachi's right shoulder, giggling all the way.

"Ready kid?" he asked

"Yup." came the happy reply

Kenpachi stood there for a moment staring at his barracks.

Kenpachi then sneezed. Then his barracks blew up. In a large explosion.

His 3rd seat landed to his right into the gate wall. Said 3rd seat was lying face into pavement burnt and smoking as well as unconscious. His 5th seat was on fire. His hair was on fire to be exact and very much awake. "**MY HAIR**! **MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR**! **WHHHYYY**!**WHHHHYYY**!" He was running around like a headless chicken before remebering stop,drop, and roll. There was sharp, pointy, and burnt objects on the ground that he rolled over. Cries of pain and lost beauty insued.

Kenpachi stared.

"The heck?" Blinking, he stood there before shruging.

"Must have left the heater on..." Mumbling as he walked away from the scene with his giggling daughter to breakfest.

"Eh I'll deal with it later."


	2. Of Luck and her man

The day started out horrible for Hanataro. Sure everyday was bad in some way for the yong healer. 11th division mobs,drunken 11th division mobs,random mobs,drunken mobs, patients who may or may not be related to 11th division, mob of squirrels that look to have come from 12th division, old people mob, etc.. This moring was particualurly disastirous.

He over slept to a happy dream, with his alarm still blaring, he all but ran to the bathroom after seeing the time, many problems plagued him threw the whole afair of getting ready. All in order, he triped on a sock, his foot hit the door then he triped, he slamed in the bathroom door after it was locked, after finding the key lost to unlock the door slamed into it again after opening said for after turning the key the wrong way, the water from the shower was ice cold, he was low on tooth paste, no deoterent, sliped on air, he tied himself up while putting his robes on, he was missing his left sock, he banged his head on the bed looking for said sock, his breakfest burnt, his robe got burnt by his breakfest, out of all the unlucky things that happened that morning, he stabbed his toe on the door on his way out of the appartment. He was later chased by a mob of pigeons. Today was not his lucky day.

He none exsist luck seemed to worsen, even after successfully avaiding the pigeons, as he ran to work. There seemed to have been damage done to walls and sturctures to much of the surrounding divisions. Much of it was unstable, a pile of rubble, or a hole in the ground. He nearly ran into the construction workers cleaning and reapairing the damage, some of them looked like 11th division.

"Hey kid! That areas dangerous!" a man shouted to Hanataro. But Hanataro wasn't listening, he was to worried about being on time for work, cursing this mornings luck, and how Captian Unohana was going to be so disapointed. His attention was almost sololy focused on his thoughts that he nearly sliped twice already. He didn't even notice the warning signs or the fact that the walls looked ready to tip over and fall on someone.

He turned another corner stumbling as he did. He was almost out of breath. He took a quick breath and leaned him self aganst a unstable wall. ' What am I going to tell the Captian? Shes going to be so disapointed.'

The wall finally started collapsing. Hanataro saved himself from being collapsed on by jumping out of the way, which earned him a few burses and cuts. When all the dust looked clear he stoop up only to loose consciousness from masonry the building above him, that also fell down.

* * *

><p><em>One hour later...<em>

Yachiru was worried. She had been searching for that candy bag for one and a half hours, after her breakfest anyway. With Kenny saying he would see her later after the Captians council. She had looked almost everywhere for the bag. Her robes, her burnt room, Kenny's burnt room, Grandpa's beard which was unknown how she did it with out him knowing, Bya-bya's house, Rukia's room and her underground secret chappy collection vault, and even snowball's destoryed office. He looked like he was trying to burn his paperwork, unsuccessfully with a blow-torch, mask included.

She huffed in annoyance, some people would have given up by now but not Yachiru! Where ever there was candy to be eaten she would be there.

Remebering where she was she took a quick scan of the area. Wall, wall, wall, broken wall, wall, bag on top of a pile of wall, wall, wall , wall that fell over, collapse bui- her head snapped audibly as she put her gaze on the bag. There is was, sitting on a pile of debris, a little scuffed up but intact nether the less.

"Yaayyyy!"She exclaimed with much joy. She ran up to her prize, grabed it, plumited its depths, and took two hand fulls of candy into her mouth in 4 seconds flat. She would have added more but she got the funny taste after she swallowed or inhaled it which ever was faster.' Eeewww this taste like.. peas? And a mix of chocalate? She put the taste off on her breakfest but decided aganst eating anymore, the bag was still full and could be eaten later.

She was about to leave when in the corner of her eye she saw something like black hair. Curiousity easily getting the best of her, stashing the candy, she jumped over to see what it was.

Its a boy! No really it was a black hair boy in soul reaper clothes lieing face first into the ground.

Examing more closely, she saw the 4th division bag on him. This made him one of those weak people that Kenny always talks about. The boy was taller than her, well everyone was, but she would come up to the base of his callorbone if compared in height. She pushed the body over to get a better look at him. And to draw pictures on his face.

The moment se got a look at his face, her stomach started to get a achy feeling. It was as people describe as hell butterflys in your stomach only they felt like a churning mass of them, she also started to feel light headed and woosey. She shook her head to try and get rid of the vertigo, what ever that was, away. She took another look at him while trying to ignore the feeling. His face was young but had a tired look to it due the the rings under his eyes. She stared at it for a long time before putting her hands on his cheek. His skin felt so soft, and warm. Her face started warming up as thoughts started invading it, most pointing at how cute he was, others pointing to take him to the hospital, with a few other ignored suggestions of taking advantage of his unconscious state. She diffintly need to see Braidy Lady about all this.

Snapping out of her trance, she hauled the taller boy up like he weighed nothing, which suprisingly he didn't weigh much. She sped off to where she believed the 4th division hospital was. Her hands becoming sweaty just holding him, her heart beeting fast from being near him, and her body burning from the very touch of him, yes she DEFINITLY needed to see Braidy Lady ... after the boy woke up of course. Not like she would forget to right? Right?

* * *

><p>Hanataro's head hurt. His senses slowly coming back. His sense of memory coming back next, he remeber getting hit in the back of his head but not much else. So he must have been unconscious but for how long? His next senses to come back on line was his feeling, smell, and his hearing. He could feel he was on a bed with some sort of pressure on his thighs, which ment "it" was stradling him, what ever "it" was and some heat and air on his face. He could hear the beeping of machinery, his breathing, sound of muffled talking, and deep breathing in front of him. That breathing was ether on a chair in front of him or on him, he was hoping for the first option. He could smell the steril chemicals in the air mix with a odd sent of bubblegum and chocalate. His curiousity fought his fear of what ever was on him, with his curiousity wining when his logic pointed out that he didn't need to fear since he was in a hospital. His eyes flutter trying to open under the oppressing light.<p>

"YAY cutie Droopy is awake!" a yell of joy sounded out in front of him followed by several hops which were met by grunts from him.

He finally pried his tired greyish colored eyes open to behold wide dark red eyes looking at him. A young girl with pink hair and a wide smiling face was almost into his face.

"Hello Cutie." the girl softly saying with a joyful tone to it. She seem to literally ooze happyness off of her.

"H-h-hello?" He nervously replyed. He was at the point of hopless confusion, sure he knew where he was in the hospital, but why, out of all things, is a bubblegum colored hair girl straddling him, and just for how long?

"Hi I'm Yachiru whats you name?" Her squecky childlike voice sounded in his ear. She leaned in closer with her grin widening further. His head was pushed deep into the pillow trying to create more space between him a the wierd pink hair girl.

His reply was automatic if a bit hesitant. "I'm-m Ha-Hanatro Yamada, 4th division, 7th seat." Her face was the only thing that he could see and her hot breath, that smelled like cherries and chocalates, splashing on his already blushing face. **She. Was. To Close!**

"Thats a funny name it sounds cute!" She was hugging him now and he was getting more creeped out by the second.

"C-c-c-can you please get off me, I'm kinda getting ah a little unconfortable." his voice was pleading and his face the same only with fear attached.

"Nope don' wana." she rested her chin on his chest still staring at his eyes. Her smile was soft.

"Nope not gana leave since you belong to me. Your my boyfriend after all!" Her voice had a touch of possessiveness to it.

Hanataro's brain crashed._'Error code 356, does not compute, processing data, creepy pink haired girl claiming that your hers and asking to be boyfriend, does not compute, activating panic mode.'_ **"WHAT!"** His eyes wide,sweating, and backing up as far as he could with her iron grip on his body. He must escape! He needed a mircaule!

Which was granted. First a polite knock at the door came before it was opened by the most motherly figure in all of soul society has and Hanataro's savoir, Captian Unohana! With Lieutenant Isane included.. Well untill the lieutenant saw the two before her nose bleed and fainted.

Captain Unohana just walked as if she was not phased by this. Inworldly she was surpirse. "Greetings Lieutenant Yachiru, 7th seat Hanataro, I see you are awake and well." She said with calm.

"Hi Braidy Lady." Yachiru greeted with a cheerful tone with only a hint of disapointment.

"If you would come with me Lieuntenant Yachiru we have to let Hanataro rest and we have a Soul societ Women's Assocation meeting soon." Unohana said with gave in a polite tone with a soft smile.

"Wasn't the meeting set for the afternoon?" she replyed

"It was reschedualed due to the Captains council time being moved for earlier. The reasons being was the mystryous destruction of several division compounds and the explosion at the 11th division this morning." Unohana spoke with the same polite tone but with add amusment to both it and her eyes.

"O I remember that it went boom! So colorful to. So when is the meeting?" Yachiru replied as she hoped off the nervous boy.

"Its in 25 minutes so we best hurry to meeting. Hanataro please rest before going to work." Unohana said before exiting with Yachiru.

The door close shut with a click. Hanataro the whole time had deer in headlights face on.' What. Just. Happened?'

He tryed collecting his thoughts. 'Ok a posscessive pink hair girl named Yachiru want him as her boyfriend. She was a lieutenant, 11th division her badge said. The 11th division that was known to have a noteable pink haired girl, who was the lieutenant, who was also the daughter of the psychopathic man named Zaraki Kenpachi. Daughter of Captian Zaraki Kenpachi was in love with him. He was hyperventaling now. He was gana die! He fainted.

He would then wake up 10 minutes later believeing all that happened to him was just a bad dream and that he must have nodded off at work. Eventually by the time dinner would be around he would already have forgotten about it from being so extremely suppressed by his mind.

* * *

><p><em>25 minutes later in the Soul society Women's Association's meeting room...<em>

Yachiru was sitting in her usual command chair, as Vice President Ise Nanao commenced the meeting. Most of the meeting was ignored all but the start and the end. The rest that came to her was all muffled and fuzzy from her day dreams and thoughts about her future groom. Yachiru Yamada, Hantaro Kusajishi. She was drooling.

This was noticed by some memebers half way threw the meeting but a agruement made them forget the it just as fast.

"Miss President are you alright?" Nanao asked bluntly to the drooling girl.

"Mhuh?" Yachiru snaping out of her day dream of weddings and candy.

"Miss President you've hardy said a word this whole meeting, is something wrong or did you find a new type of candy?"Nanao adjusted her glasses with the question, giving a quizzical gaze at the end.

"I'm fine, just um thinking of what the next theme should be for the next meeting." Her voice sounding a bit nervous.

Nanao bought the excuse on the account Matsumoto made a comment of increasing bust size of all memebers. The reply was venomous from a blushing Nanao.

Yachiru shifted a bit in her seat for a more comfortable postion so she could go back to her day dreams. She felt the candy bag she stashed shift. She forgot she had the bag. She also remembered is bad taste. With taste in mind resolved to just dump it on the memebers, she could always buy more candy later.

To the members of the SWA this was the rarest moment in Soul Society history, it was as rare as seeing Soifon's Banki, maybe even rarer. It was recorded twice on paper by Nanao so she wouldn't forget. Questioned thrice by Soifon and shut down Isane's brain. Yachiru just gave them candy. Yachiru the human blackhole! Without so much as a care! The one who would have cut off your leg then give up her candy! Unthinkable! Yet the only explanasion they got for this wierd fenomenon was " This candy tastes ichy to me. I don't want it so have some." Most of it went to Unohara,Soifon, and Matsumoto, the rest in small bits for the rest of the members, Soifon got the bag. The meeting ended after Yachiru left having to go find something or someone. Unohana and Soifon left after words for the Captains council.

Unohana had a bad feeling for Hanataro. She pittied of how he was going to deal with Captian Kenpachi. Perhaps she would give him a helping hand. After all she was very...persuasive. Fear was such a useful tool.

She smiled softly as she and Siofon made their way to the council.


End file.
